


The Five Uncles

by Shortsandramblings



Series: Ramdom Shorts (...and Ramblings) [12]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-05 10:12:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shortsandramblings/pseuds/Shortsandramblings
Summary: Sansa's first proper impressions of Joffrey Baratheon's uncles





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of many short-fics that has been hiding on my computer for ages; finally looked over the draft and finished it.

 

**Jaime - Sansa is 12**

 

> “... _tall and golden, with flashing green eyes and a smile that cut like a knife. [...] This is what a king should look like, he thought to himself as the man passed._ ” – Jon, AGoT

 

While Dad might not like him, Jaime Lannister is _gorgeous,_ there was no denying it. In her (hopeful teenage) mind she trusts that Joffrey will look pretty much exactly – _or, even better_ \- than his tall, gorgeous, _magazine-cover-worthy_ uncle when he outgrows the last of the baby-face chubbiness... At least by the time they get married. ( _Hey, as long as Jof has Jaime’s look but none of his less honourable characteristics, how could dad not approve_?)

 

 

=

 

 

**Renly - Sansa is 13**

 

> ‘ _He was the handsomest man Sansa had ever set eyes upon; tall and powerfully made, with jet-black hair that fell to his shoulders and framed a clean-shaven face, and laughing green eyes to match his armour._ ’ – Sansa, AGoT

 

 

In all honesty, Renly makes her rethink on her preferred taste in men. (Not that Joffrey can yet be really considered a _man_ : while Arya can be stupid and horrible, she is essentially correct in pointing out that he is still only 15, so not yet technically a _man_ ).

Still, until meeting Robert Baratheon’s youngest brother, Sansa had been convinced that men with blonde-hair and green-eyes are the most handsome. Now... there might be something to dark hair and dark blue eyes.

Then again, maybe she is thinking and feeling like this because she has met him the same week as that whole unfortunate incident with Arya’s stupid dog ruining everything, and Joffrey has been refusing to talk to her for two weeks now. How can Joff not see none of this is her fault?! She isn’t even talking with Arya! Arya is stupid and horrible, always messing all that she loves!

At least there is Renly to be very nice and sweet and tell her a few jokes to cheer her up... and who makes her less afraid of Cersei Baratheon’s bodyguard, Ilyn Payne.

 

 

=

 

 

**Loras – Sansa is 16**

 

 

> ‘ _Sansa had never seen anyone so beautiful. [...] Her eyes were only for Ser Loras. [...], she thought her heart would burst. [...] Sansa took the flower timidly, struck dumb by his gallantry. His hair was a mass of lazy brown curls, his eyes like liquid gold. She inhaled the sweet fragrance of the rose and sat clutching it long after Ser Loras had ridden off.’_ – Sansa, AGoT

 

 

Loras isn’t really Joffrey’s uncle.

 

He only becomes his uncle when Renly marries him...

Truthfully, Sansa is convinced she will always think of him as the first guy to ever give her flowers...

The first guy she had a real crush on (Waymar Royce doesn’t count: she was only 10 and him 22 at the time)...

The first guy to take her on an actual date ( two months before Joff was wonderful enough to finally get over the own issue with Arya and her dog, and found the courage to gift her a beautiful golden locket - matching his gorgeous curled hair – for her nameday... and give Sansa her first kiss).

Still, as she looks in wonder as Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell say their vows, Sansa can’t help but give a silent sigh of regret... It really _is_ a _shame_. Loras (even more so than Jaime Lannister) always seemed the perfect depiction of those handsome princes and honourable knights from the songs and stories of romance and adventure, depicting chivalry and truelove, that she still secretly watches on her iPad at night.

On the other hand, Sansa still feels so stupid that it took her so long to realise that she had jst really been one of several ‘beard’ options for Loras, before Margaery and his older brothers convinced him that he didn’t have to follow their father’s and grandmother’s dictate.

 

 

=

 

 

**Tyrion – Sansa is 21**

 

 

> “ _He was a dwarf, half his brother’s height, struggling to keep pace on stunted legs. His head was too large for his body, with a brute’s squashed-in face beneath a swollen shelf of brow. One green eye and one black one peered out from under a lank fall of hair so blond it seemed white_.” – Jon, AGoT

 

 

It turns out Tyrion Lannister is Joffrey’s only uncle. ( _Uncle twice-over, really_ )

 

It’s on every newspaper, on everyone’s lips, the biggest scandal in the Century... or at least since Rhaegar Targaryen left his wife and two young children for (quite a bit younger and already engaged to someone else) Lyanna Stark.

For a whole eighteen months (while ‘ _The Divorce_ ’ is going on as well as the few months before and after) people barely see any of the Lannisters... Except for those few moments of Cersei, always wearing a huge pair of shades, going between the black tinted BMW and the court room, her (huge) new bodyguard, Robert Strong pushing paps (and just anyone else) out of the way (more often than not, really violently).

But then slowly, they start emerging again. Thankfully the first Lannister Sansa sees is not Cersei... or Joffrey.

No it’s Tyrion, in a bar getting drunk. Which is not all that surprising really.

Then again who is she to judge; she is also getting drunk, trying to forget anyone by the name of _Harrold Hardygn_ (or Petyr Baelish for that matter).

 

She has of course already met him several times before, at multiple events – mainly parties hosted by Cersei (when she had still been _Cersei Baratheon_ ).

Pre-Joffrey, Sansa hadn’t looked twice at Tyrion... or just politely welcomed him to whichever party they were both at before she would run off to meet up with Jeyne and Myrcella, giggling about Jeyne’s latest crush (Jon then Robb then Theon then Beric...) or Myrcella’s secret Dornish pen-pal.

Post-Joffrey (and post-Harry... and Petyr), she truly sees _him_. Her stupid brain finally acknowledges _Tyrion Lannister_ , the person... as it also finally also sees the reality of external beauty compared to internal beauty (and ugliness on the outside compared to ugliness on the inside).

 

And so that’s how their friendship really starts: two heartbroken drunks trying to make sense of all the many troubles of life until the early hours of the morning... to then be photographed walking out together and getting in the same taxis (They are both drunk! Of course they would take a bloody taxi, idiots!)

Unfortunately, no matter what Sansa says no one seems to believe that Tyrion and her are just friends. Nor does anyone seem pleased about it except for Tywin Lannister, who most likely thinks this will help bring back up the Lannister image).

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

**Stannis – Sansa is 23**

 

 

> ‘ _Stannis Baratheon [...] was broad of shoulder and sinewy of limb, with a tightness to his face and flesh that spoke of leather cured in the sun until it was as tough as steel. Hard was the word men used when they spoke of Stannis, and hard he was_.’ – Prologue, ACoK

 

 

Stannis Baratheon isn’t technically Joffrey uncle any more when she finally meets him. Which, all things considered, can only be a good thing.

It is strange to realise that out of all the different events Cersei hosted while still been married to Robert Baratheon, Stannis only came to a handful; all before Sansa dated Joffrey. And it is only now that she actually meets the ' _other brother_ '. Then again it really shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise. He is said to hate parties and any kind of merriment nearly as much as he hates Lannisters. Not to mention, Sansa has heard various remarks through the years... ‘ _a just but harsh man; stern, humourless, unforgiving, grim in his sense of duty_ ’ (Dad) ... ‘ _has an iron sword lodged up his ass_ ’ (Robert)... ‘ _respected, even feared, but loved by few_ ’ (Renly) ... ‘ _I would have more chance with a horse’_ (Cersei)...

 

Still, none of this stops Sansa from thinking of her first - _horrible_ – ex, when she bumps into Stannis Baratheon, sticking out like a sore thumb, amidst flowers and plants in at the local florist him glaring down at small trees.

All while they go from Sansa first introducing herself to him (and him blinking at her as if she was a White Walker from Nan’s stories) to him explaining (still frowning, now at her) that he has no idea which of the potted plants is the most suitable as a housewarming present, Sansa can’t help but note all the different ways Stannis Baratheon appears to be the complete opposite to Joffrey.

In actually _being_ a _Baratheon_ , it is unsurprising that he looks completely different: dark, receding hair to Joffrey’s golden locks, tall and muscly to Joffrey’s rather effeminate look (possibly to the sadness of her 13-year-old self, Joff ended up looking more like Cersei rather than Jaime Lannister in truth), dark stormy blue eyes to Joffrey’s cold, green ones...

But it is more than that; more than this first simplest comparison to Joffrey...

He looks at _her_ \- her face - when Sansa speaks, and actually seems to listen to what she is saying. He even ends up following her advice in his selection of indoor plant. His replies, while maybe needing a bit of polish in their directness, is music to her ears compared to the malicious remarks and fits of rage she remembers from Joffrey. (The deepness of his voice isn’t so bad either, in all honesty).

_True_ he rarely smiles, but Sansa finds herself preferring the grim line his mouth takes to the leers or fake smiles she has already seen on too many faces. If anything, this is a helpful indicator to who he actually cares for: his smiles are reserved for those who truly deserve them. (His list for those who receive his very-pissed-off scowl is naturally much longer.) And Sansa finds herself actually quite liking his dry sense of humour.

 

And while _yes_ he is _slightly_ older (‘slightly’ _being a_ “slight” _understatement, Dad_ )... and divorced with a daughter ( _yes, I know, Mom_ )... (as well as ‘ _his hair is receding’... ‘he’s just soooo grumpy’... ‘has no sense of fashion’..._ ) Sansa finds that she cares more on the fact that he means the words he speaks and the actions he does.

The way he is cares for her- _cherishes_ _her_ , Sansa can’t help but feel, every now and the, like one of those fair maidens from her childhood stories...

... even if it can’t get “ _slightly_ ” nerve-racking at times.

Like Sansa waiting for him to make a move when she has been dragging the conversation (and him willingly following) from the flower shop, to a coffee shop, to a walk through the park, to her apartment to ‘ _lend him her nice wrapping paper_ ’, all while touching her hair and his forearm _several_ times ( _don’t all men know_ touching _is a rather big clue?_ )...

... for her to ultimately press her lips against his, while he just completely freezes. Thankfully though, when he ( _finally_ ) responds, while his initial kisses are careful and considerate - as if Sansa is made of porcelain -, they soon turn rather _furious_ , when she makes it clear that there is a fair amount of steel hidden underneath.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Out of all his nieces and nephews (all from Robert) the one Stannis has always liked the least is _Joffrey_.

And this includes those from Robert’s marriage as well as the many his brother _generated_ from his inability to keep his trousers zipped up: _Mya, Gendry, Edric, Barra_... and others Jon Arryn and Stannis still have to track down.

 

As he stares up, watching the shadows playing on the ceiling overhead, Stannis reflects...

People always say Myrcella is the image of her mother, but Stannis – who still remembers Joanna Lannister – believes her her grandmother (her _only_ grandmother)’s copy. She is braver, smarter and more confident than her brothers, and has none of her mother’s nature or vanity... nor does she seem to possess her father ( _real_ father)’s arrogance or grandfather’s ruthlessness.

As for Tommen, while possibly soft and prone to tears, on the whole he is a sweet and caring boy; nothing like his older brother.

So yes, Stannis does still feel regret and remorse for Myrcella and Tommen for when _The Truth_ came crashing down, as well as them not actually being his niece and nephew.

 

On the other hand, Stannis knows he will only ever feel relief on the knowledge that he shares no blood with Joffrey.

 _Joffrey_...

Vicious, violent, hateful, malicious... an unscrupulous sadist; even in his teens Joffrey made Stannis think of his uncle, Aerys, whose wife and son had been forced to put in a psychiatric hospital for his as well as the safety of others.

And yet (somewhat surprisingly) it is only _now_ \- on this day ( _night_ ) - that Stannis justly adds _idiot_ to the list of Joffrey’s attributes...

... Especially as he continues to feel the weight of the smaller head on his shoulder, the soft arm covering his chest, the long auburn hair ticking his chin, the light warm breaths against his neck, the leg covering his own larger – _hairier_ – one.

All which also remind Stannis to thank Renly on his suggestion of florist.

 _Yes_. Stannis had been more than confused as to why Sansa Stark first introduced herself to him ( _yes, my brother is friends with your father; what does that have to do with me_?) and he found her overly enthusiastic and radiant (and _too_ beautiful – he is _not_ the fool Robert is when it comes to attractive women). Nevertheless, as the day progressed, through her counsel in flora selection as well as her general knowledge, Miss Stark presented herself as an intelligent, quick-witted young lady. Even her smiles and cheer (much to Stannis confusion and against his misgivings) were found to be genuine and full of true warmth, in addition to her interest in what he talked about. (It is a shame that she is slightly unsteady, having to lean several times on his arm during their walk even when on smooth level terrain, but then again no one can be _flawless_.)

True, Stannis concedes it may be slightly _precipitated_ that after only _one_ day he finds himself in the young lady’s bedroom, in her bed with her sleeping (naked) next to (covering) his own (naked) body... as well as the fact that he is wondering if he should invite her as his date to Devan Seaworth’s housewarming dinner (though it would bring questions - _too many_ questions - from Davos, _so maybe not actually_ )... or take her out for a nice quiet dinner or a sailing excursion on _Proudwing_ ( _yes, somewhere just the two of us is most certainly wiser_ ).

Just this morning he thought of her as ‘ _Stark’s daughter’_... Now he wants to think of her as anything else other than her being _Eddard Stark’s_ daughter... as well as the small fact that he is _slightly_ older than her (by over a decade).

And there is also that voice in the back of his mind, Stannis remembering Davos saying something about _three_ dates when they had talked about present-day courtship habits...

But at least there Stannis considers that they could possibly deem the visit to coffee stop their _first_ date... and the pleasant walk through their _second_ date... and the tour of her apartment the _third_.

And in no way does her... _fervour_ make Stannis question Sansa’s character or think any lower of her...

... because it took just _one_ day – a very agreeable day (possibly one of the best days of Stannis’ life) – to realise only an _idiot_ would not see what a prize Sansa Stark is. One that deserves to be treated no less than a queen.

 

 _Yes_... in addition to being a vicious, violent, hateful, malicious, unscrupulous sadist, Joffrey is an _idiot_.

 

 

 


End file.
